“Love is when you're kept up all night thinking of him, and then when you fall asleep, you find him in your dreams.”

Chapter 1 - Dream

He was there, seated beside me. We we're laughing, staring at each other's eyes and admiring every move. We we're in love, that's what's for sure. He gazed upon me for a second, my heart stopped and then quickly raced. JACKIE MAISON, this was the name that filled my heart, my soul and my very existence. He held my hand placed it in his heart and said "I have to let you go". I was stunned, shocked,Did i hear that right? Was he saying goodbye? No it can't be.

"Massie, come down and eat your breakfast!" The sound of my mom's voice quickly woke me up. I looked at the time, it was 6:30am. Great. I'm gonna be late. I quickly washed my face, dressed in my uniform and combed my hair in place. That'll have to do. I descended upon the staircase, grabbed a piece of bread stick and ran to the door; but my mom caught up on me, "Denise Massie Wilson, won't you eat breakfast?". I grabbed the doorknob and quickly said "No, I'm gonna be late!" I got in a cab and told the driver to step on it.

It was a lovely morning, and if i wasn't running late, I would've admired it; but since i was 5 kilometers away from MCA (Monticello Christian Academy), I had to keep myself company. I thought about that horrible dream. I remembered that almost same scenario, in first year, except for that last line. The line which struck right through my heart. "I have to let you go" what did that mean? It has been 2 years since we last talked to each other, or at least since we were last so close to talking about taking the next step. I was taken aback. What happened to everything we had? Did he forget about it? Was he fed up? All these questions were in my mind, I didn't even realize the school was right in front of me. What was happening to me? I'm not my normal self today. I paid the driver and moved out of the cab. I looked at my watch and let out a great sigh of relief. 7:15am, 15 minutes until the bell rings. I paced on the first step, ready, to once again see the man of my dreams.

."The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."

Chapter 2 - MCA

It's in the middle of October, MCA was busy with activities. Halloween was coming up, everyone was talking about the upcoming dance. I wonder if he will... I stopped at the thought. I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. With my shoulders squared, eyes held high and heart ready for what I am about to see. I opened the classroom door and froze for a moment, there he was sitting in front of the room, smiling, fair complexion, eyes - a dark brown, hair - gelled in place, he was smaller than me; but he was cute. I was dazed for a moment, then heard the bell ring and rushed to my seat to put down my bag and books. I was completely haggard. My friends greeted me and we moved out of the classroom for the morning rights. As usual, the assigned classroom led the prayer, anthem and oath to the country. It all came in a blur, my mind was still on that dream and on him. Would that ever happen? Would he say goodbye? I was thinking these questions while we we're reciting the pledge. It was just the start of the day, but i'm feeling stressed already.

As we we're heading down the stairs, my friend Alex noticed my anxious look. Everyone always see me smiling or laughing; but today was different. This day was when that dream happened. Alex asked, "What's wrong? You ok?". I couldn't answer, this was not the right time to tell her. I wouldn't get myself composed if i told her now. So i just told her, "yeah! everything's great! just worried about the quiz in Social Studies later" oh snap! I forgot all about the quiz! It turns out, I really am worried about the quiz. Oh well, I'll just study later. We entered the classroom and sat on my seat, which was at the back of Jack. When will i ever get over him? Probably, Never.

".It's hard not to love someone when he's all you ever think about."

Chapter 3 - Inspired

I was busy reviewing my history book while Jack was in front of me, laughing with his friend. I couldn't help but admire his chuckle, so angelic and comforting. I wished he was laughing with me, together. I missed the old days, when he and I were having fun. Concentrate! You need to study!, i thought to myself; but who could concentrate with all the noise? and more importantly, who would ever think of studying when the love of your life is seated right in front of you. I just sighed and started reading. Social Studies was our first period, I was not going to fail. This day has been chaotic enough to interfere with my academics. Then before I knew it, "Class, keep everything away, let's start the quiz". "ok, you can do this". My inspiration was sitting before me, surely this was not going to be a hard quiz, right? Ma'am is nice, she's not strict. No big. Jack passed the paper to me, I hesitated for a moment, then took a big breath and grabbed it. That wasn't so bad Why am I acting like a psycho? Stupid dream, I said to myself. I scanned the paper first and went on to write my name. The first question was easy, I remembered reading it, or at least finding it. Then it all came down to the fifth question, i skipped that part; and now it's the only one blank. Think! I looked up, and saw the answer, Jackie DeShannon. He was always the answer to all my problems. Jack, I would always love you. I skimmed my paper once again; and thought quietly, Jack would never be replaced, he is the one my heart calls out to.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness"

Chapter 4 - Instance

The bell rang, end of second period. Time for the break. I kept my books and my friends came to my seat. Me, Valerie and Alex headed to the door. I made a quick glance at Jack; and then suddenly, he looked at my direction. I flushed and looked away. My heart raced, our eyes met, that was enough for now. We descended the stairs and I was surprised, my hands were shaking. A single look and it affected me so much. It happened in seconds; but for me, it went on for hours. My friends kept on teasing me while going the down the staircase (which seemed to take forever); and during those times, my heart was still beating faster than normal, hands shaking like crazy and mind trying to congest what happened. It's just a look, it happened in seconds, I kept repeating the mantra over and over again. But whatever it is that happened, I knew that what meant the world to me was nothing to him, that hurt the most. When we reached the cafeteria, my appetite had gone. I just waited for Alex and Valeria near the corner, thinking, What happened was nothing, forget about it., I didn't want to be hurt anymore. It was just a simple look, he didn't mean to glimpse at my direction. Fiddle sticks! one simple look and I'm hallucinating! What if he accidentally holds my hand? Would i get composed? Can I control myself. I have to accept reality, he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't feel the same way i feel. Valerie and Alex came to me with gleaming smiles, and I smiled back, I had friends who I could count on. Who cares about a guy anyway? We climbed up the stairs and as I stepped on the very last stride, I saw him again. Be calm, I said to myself. I can do this.

."Out of all the things in life that I could fear, the only thing that would hurt me is if you weren't real."

Chapter 5 - Humiliation!

We lined up after the bell rang, time for 3rd period. Jack was at the front of the line. As hard as I try, I couldn't help but look at him. I was at the back of the line, I bent over and gazed upon him. He looked so cute in his uniform and happy smile. Valerie thrusted me with her elbow, "Ouch! Heeeey!" I said with an angry expression. I didn't realize everyone was looking at me, the girls have come in except for me and the girls at my back. I flushed and quickly went inside, not looking at Jack (who, at my peripheral vision was laughing), my cheeks reddened even more. I sat on my seat and admired my book for a second, that was really humiliating!. Suddenly, I heard, "Ms.Wilson, would you care to join us for the prayer", I looked around me, and saw everyone standing, looking at me AGAIN! I forgot all about the prayer. "Oops! Sorry!" I laughed and rapidly rose from my seat. Ma'am had an annoying look on her face, What's her problem? I said sorry, didn't I? I was sorta pissed at that time already; but couldn't help but think of the humiliation i felt. This was the worst day ever! The dream, the nerve - wracking look and all these embarrassments. It all happened in one day. Why???!!! I was mad at myself, I was angry at this day and I was irritated with this guy. Must Jack always interfere? He keeps on hurting me; but I know that it's not his fault. It's mine. He doesn't care about me anymore, why am I trying to push myself? Why am I still hoping? The answers to these questions are simple but it's so painful to admit, I LOVE HIM. The problem is, how long can I wait? Will I too get tired of him? But my faith is strong, I believe that love can never ever fade.

."No pleassure, no expressions just an illusion of what should of but wasnt".

Chapter 6 - One word

I got home, tired. This was a very stressful day. We had tons of assignment to do, I had to get started. I got to the computer and started researching. You don't think I'm that serious right? Of course, I opened my facebook account. You can call it multi-tasking. I typed in "speeches" on the Google search bar and tons of links appeared. Ah. The beauty of the internet. I clicked on the very first link. While waiting, I logged in my fb account and checked my notifications. There were photo tags and comments. I updated my status with "crazy day!" and then checked who was online. There were strangers I just added, my friends and.. Jack He was online again. I went back to my assignment, here we again. Concentrate! I resisted the temptation to talk to him. I read the lines, actually scanned; but I couldn't help it. Jack Jack Jack, this was torture to my head and heart. I just copy and pasted the article to MS word without even bothering to actually read it. I went back to facebook; and saw that the chat box was open with his name. I finally gave-up and typed - in: what's the assignment in english again? :)". With high hopes, I waited for a reply. Surely he wasn't that of a snob to help people in need. Jack was a nice guy; sweet and charming. Stop it! Your making a fool of yourself!. I sighed and got back to Google. I slipped in my fb for a second. My heart sped, I could almost hear it beat. almost. He replied. It's like I hit the jackpot. "speeches" One word and it made a difference. Like I was floating on clouds, smelling fresh roses and feeling his warm touch. Just one word and it made me feel this way. But what made me hurt was I knew that to him it was nothing. To him it was like answering the question of an acquaintance, something that was no importance. I felt a strong sting in my heart. No matter how I try, there's always a downside to this roller coaster of love we had; or at least I had for him. I replied a short "ty" to him; and logged out. I keep on saying to myself to move - on, find someone better, someone worth my time and love. My heart won't listen to my mind, this was the hardest thing. I gave up and went back to homework. Time to study hard.

." Love starts with a smile, Grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.".

Chapter 7 - Bleeding Heart

Another day, a fresh morning, another time to get hurt. Early in the morning and I'm already feeling a sting on my heart. I wasn't in the mood for school at all. School. Jack. All these sent shivers. Why am I so emo now? Of course, I already know the answer. It was all about him. Why did he always have to hurt me. Why did he even hurt me. Why did he let me fall in his arms. He promised me we will be together forever. Where is forever? We haven't talked for a long time. I need him. Does he need me? I long for his warm touch, his welcoming smile and sweet voice. I want to hold his hand, laugh with him and show my affection. I choose to comfort him when he's down and celebrate when he's up. I just want to be with him, to love him. Is that too much to ask? All I want is for him to show a little care. We had a past. Did he just throw those away? The great memories we had. Aren't they important to him? I know they are to me. Those memories are my priced possessions. They are a part of who I am. I couldn't imagine myself without him. What my life would be if he didn't exist. Maybe I wouldn't be hurt right now. Maybe my heart wouldn't be torn into pieces. Maybe I wouldn't cry every night, every morning, every time I think of him. Maybe. Is it really the time to move on? I guess you think I'm obsessed or just another drama queen; but it's hard to get-over someone you consider part of you. It's hard to let go of something you hold dearly. Jack is a part of me, he has and forever will have a special place in my heart.

."Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before."

Chapter 8 - Absence

Another daily routine, I sighed as I entered the classroom. I searched for him, this isn't right. Jack wasn't present. I looked down and sat with a frown on my face. My friends noticed and started to cheer up. "It's alright, he'll be here tomorrow", they said in a comforting tone. It's great my friends are understanding. Other people may say that I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I mean first of all, we aren't together. This is all about me. Again with the sad questions in my head. No more. Maybe Jack's absence is a wake up call to me. My first step to moving on. He would be out of sight for now. A time for my heart to rest. He would be back tomorrow, maybe; but I could take a day-off from this madness. Together with my friends, I raced up the stairs with a smile. I then, bumped into someone. He was wearing a black and red jacket with shoes to match. It was Adam Parker, a sophomore. We went right at the same time, then he gave way and let me pass. My heart sped, he was so handsome. I passed by him and caught his sweet scent. My friends hit me, I was staring at him as he descended the stairs. I was mesmerized. Here i go again. They kid me around. Ok, so I sorta liked him. I always noticed him before, he was cute and attractive. Girls couldn't help but turn their heads around whenever he passed by. I was one of them. Finally, I can take my mind off Jack. A new start for me, a new guy to fall for. After all, this was just a crush. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like a sophomore for a boyfriend; but he was my new inspiration. It was better him than Jack. He didn't know me, we didn't have a past and it's just an infatuation. This was becoming the best day ever.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind.

Chapter 9 - Jack


Jack, Jack, Jack. He's always on my mind. Why can't i just face the fact that he has forgotten me? forgotten our love? I must really move on; but I can't. It just doesn't work as easy as others think. My heart won't stop beating for him and my mind won't stop thinking about him. His charming, cute look and his sweet heart. His smile makes my world halt to a full stop and his laugh, that beautiful hymn, it just makes me grin. Whenever I see him, I feel like in heaven. Once we talk, its like were the only two people there. I just flush whenever he's in front. I can't help but stare at him. I don't know if I'm insane or just plain obsessed. He was and is a part of my life. I just can't let him go; but I have to. Right? No person can bear to sacrifice so much and yet accept so little. Except me. There is still this gut feeling that maybe just maybe, Jack would come back. That we would be together again. After all, every man needs their space right? Maybe after a month or so, he would realize that we were meant to be. That our relationship can still last. I'm hoping for the better. But what if his mind didn't work that way? What if he really did just throw what we had all the way to garbage. I guess it just depends on fate. It just depends on destiny, our destiny.

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart. "

Chapter 10 - Spark

Homeroom. Another talk for 'lessons of life'. What could we possibly know about life that we haven't experienced yet? I rested on my arm chair, head down and shoulders slumped. It's barely 4 days before Valentines day, would there be progress between me and Jack? Here I go again. It's like my whole world revolves around him, I have got to stop this. The counselors were explaining instructions on some game, I better listen. There was a box rotating around the classroom, music playing and people smiling and eying the box carefully. I guess this was one of those 'stop music' games. The box was approaching me and I got it with a big smile on my face. As I was about to pass it, the music suddenly stopped. I froze then flushed, 'wth?!'. The councilor asked me to stand up and open the box. I did what I was told, with shaking hands. There was a message, I read it aloud, "If there was that one person in the past you would like to talk to, who would it be?". I froze and got out of reality. Of course the answer was so obvious. Jack. Who else? I wanted to answer; but I just can't say his name out loud with him seating four seats before me. Should I? They were all waiting. And they all knew the answer but just wanted to hear me say it. I made a quiet squeal, "Jack". I sat down, my cheeks burned and I could have sworn everyone was screaming. The music played on and the box was passed around once again. This time, it stopped at Jack. Everyone looked at him including me. That was so embarrassing for me, I wonder what his question would be. I was busy thinking and watching him that I didn't know what was happening. I just saw the councilor giving him chocolates. Did he win a prize? He was approaching me, and everyone was screaming: looking from jack to me. I didn't know what to do, I was tomato red. He handed the chocolates to me and I smiled. I wanted to say 'thank you', but nothing came out. It all happened so fast. I stared at the chocolates. Was there still a spark? Was there still chance?

"The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most."

Chapter 11 - Chance

Countdown: 3 days before V-day. Jack hasn't asked me out. Jack hasn't even talked to me since the Homeroom incident. Was all that a mistake? Did he give me the chocolates just because he had no other choice? God did is hard. Thinking about him over and over. Not knowing if he still likes me or if he has moved on. Tick tock, time's ticking fast. I want a date, badly. Am i being desperate or obsessed? Maybe both; but I don't really care. I loved Jack and that incident at homeroom proved to me that possibly there is still hope for both of us. That maybe we could get our love back. That we could get each other back. Maybe. Drifting apart never meant you can't be back together, right? I was sitting at the same spot where everything happened. The confession, the blushing, the whooping of my classmates and the chocolates. That was a day I would never forget. The day where I, for the first time since the cool - off, felt that there was still chance between us. The hope of one day, we would regain love again.

".When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

Chapter 12 - Lost

It was dark, cold and chilly. I was in the middle of nowhere, at least that's what I thought. I felt unbearable pain on my legs, in my thighs and on my head. I couldn't move. I smelled fresh blood. I was 99.9% sure I was dying if it weren't for the sound of a frail heartbeat. I didn't struggle or scream for help. I just wanted to lay there, undisturbed. I felt drops of water pouring from my eyes and everything became blurred. I felt numb, the same feeling I get whenever I think of Jack. More tears fell. I didn't know where I was, what to do and where to go. My mind was shouting for rescue but my mouth was kept shut. I thought of him, not the bad times we've shared but the great times. I was filled with flashbacks: the jokes, the laughs and the talks made with Jack. My lips formed a small smile. It was heartbreaking and mind-blowing to see it all. What we used to be and possibly what we might have become. Suddenly, I heard a voice. I froze and Jack faded away.

".I dont know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too."

Chapter 13 - Unknown

The voice became louder. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating fast. Should I run now? I didn't know who was approaching, it could be my savior or my killer. Either way, I'm gonna die. The bleeding became worse and the pain felt more unbearable. I couldn't take it anymore. 'Lord take me now!'. There were footsteps getting closer and closer, I braced myself. I never knew it would end this way. I heard my name, but I really couldn't tell because I was getting weaker by the second. My eyes were blurred. And for the second time, I wanted Jack. I wanted him around me, to comfort me and say it's alright. If he was with me, I'd die happily. I'd know it would be ok. Suddenly, a man appeared through the bushes. He was wearing boots, a hat and a jacket. He was a little bit taller than me with a pale complexion. That's all I can tell as my eyes began to close. The man was running to me, panicking. I felt his hands around my waist and we were moving.

'Who was this guy? Was he saving me? Or leading me straight to hell?'

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

Chapter 14 - Fear

I opened my eyes to a bright and big room. There was a big flowery blanket covering my body and a bandage around my head. I still felt hurt but mildly this time. I felt comfortable, safe. The windows were open and I can tell by the sound of the wind that it was a beautiful morning (if it was morning). I didn’t know the time, where I was and who was with me. Suddenly, the feeling of safety was replaced with fear. Sure my wounds were covered and treated; but was it worth the risk of not knowing who these people were? Or person for that matter. I didn’t even know why I was in that deserted place in the first place, and why was I covered in blood. The last thing I remembered was unlocking the front doorknob, a painful smack on my head then nothing. My eyes widened, if I was hurt after that encounter, what about my mom? What about my sister. My fear grew stronger by the minute, was my family safe? We’re they thinking of me? I’m surely thinking of them. And as I was thinking of a plan to escape, the door opened and a guy was holding a tray of food approaching me.

".My pillows stained with tears of hurt because i kno were through....how could i destory a love that was so true."

Chapter 14 - Saved

"Hello", his voice was soft, calm and careful. Like I was an insane Psycho that entered his house. He approached, one step at a time, with his eyes locked on me. I was speechless, nothing came out of my mouth. He looked a little older than me, tall, blue - eyed with cropped hair. He wore a simple shirt and shorts. One thing was for sure, the guy was handsome. The tray he held was filled with various amount of food, my mouth watered. When was the last time I ate? He laid it gently near my bed and sat on the seat right next to me. I looked at him with curios eyes; then a sincere smile lit up his face. He nodded then got up from his seat, maybe he thought I couldn't speak. He was almost near the door when I finally managed to get my mind straight. "Wait", I said with hesitation. He turned to me slowly. Now his eyes were curios. I didn't know where to start. I blurted the first thing that came to mind. "Whe, where am I?", my voice trembled. He looked at me with the same eyes when he first entered,like speaking to a Psycho. He slowly spoke, "You're in my house."

"What am I doing here?"
"Well, um, I saw you hurt in the forest, I wanted to help you. I guess I just wanted to do one good thing in my life. So here you are! Under my special care." He forced a smile.
"What", I hesitated. I'll save that statement for later.
"Who are you?"
"My name is James, your savior I guess." He smiled widely this time. "And you are?"
"Massie"
"Nice to meet you. Listen, I have to check on something for a minute. I'll be right back"

I nodded. He spoke with such certainty and care. Like it was a father - daughter conversation. There were so many things I wanted to ask. So many unanswered questions. I decided to wait until I was calm enough. When he gets back. My savior.