“Love is when you're kept up all night thinking of him, and then when you fall asleep, you find him in your dreams.”

Chapter 1 - Dream

He was there, seated beside me. We we're laughing, staring at each other's eyes and admiring every move. We we're in love, that's what's for sure. He gazed upon me for a second, my heart stopped and then quickly raced. JACKIE MAISON, this was the name that filled my heart, my soul and my very existence. He held my hand placed it in his heart and said "I have to let you go". I was stunned, shocked,Did i hear that right? Was he saying goodbye? No it can't be.

"Massie, come down and eat your breakfast!" The sound of my mom's voice quickly woke me up. I looked at the time, it was 6:30am. Great. I'm gonna be late. I quickly washed my face, dressed in my uniform and combed my hair in place. That'll have to do. I descended upon the staircase, grabbed a piece of bread stick and ran to the door; but my mom caught up on me, "Denise Massie Wilson, won't you eat breakfast?". I grabbed the doorknob and quickly said "No, I'm gonna be late!" I got in a cab and told the driver to step on it.

It was a lovely morning, and if i wasn't running late, I would've admired it; but since i was 5 kilometers away from MCA (Monticello Christian Academy), I had to keep myself company. I thought about that horrible dream. I remembered that almost same scenario, in first year, except for that last line. The line which struck right through my heart. "I have to let you go" what did that mean? It has been 2 years since we last talked to each other, or at least since we were last so close to talking about taking the next step. I was taken aback. What happened to everything we had? Did he forget about it? Was he fed up? All these questions were in my mind, I didn't even realize the school was right in front of me. What was happening to me? I'm not my normal self today. I paid the driver and moved out of the cab. I looked at my watch and let out a great sigh of relief. 7:15am, 15 minutes until the bell rings. I paced on the first step, ready, to once again see the man of my dreams.

."The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."

Chapter 2 - MCA

It's in the middle of October, MCA was busy with activities. Halloween was coming up, everyone was talking about the upcoming dance. I wonder if he will... I stopped at the thought. I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. With my shoulders squared, eyes held high and heart ready for what I am about to see. I opened the classroom door and froze for a moment, there he was sitting in front of the room, smiling, fair complexion, eyes - a dark brown, hair - gelled in place, he was smaller than me; but he was cute. I was dazed for a moment, then heard the bell ring and rushed to my seat to put down my bag and books. I was completely haggard. My friends greeted me and we moved out of the classroom for the morning rights. As usual, the assigned classroom led the prayer, anthem and oath to the country. It all came in a blur, my mind was still on that dream and on him. Would that ever happen? Would he say goodbye? I was thinking these questions while we we're reciting the pledge. It was just the start of the day, but i'm feeling stressed already.

As we we're heading down the stairs, my friend Alex noticed my anxious look. Everyone always see me smiling or laughing; but today was different. This day was when that dream happened. Alex asked, "What's wrong? You ok?". I couldn't answer, this was not the right time to tell her. I wouldn't get myself composed if i told her now. So i just told her, "yeah! everything's great! just worried about the quiz in Social Studies later" oh snap! I forgot all about the quiz! It turns out, I really am worried about the quiz. Oh well, I'll just study later. We entered the classroom and sat on my seat, which was at the back of Jack. When will i ever get over him? Probably, Never.

".It's hard not to love someone when he's all you ever think about."

Chapter 3 - Inspired

I was busy reviewing my history book while Jack was in front of me, laughing with his friend. I couldn't help but admire his chuckle, so angelic and comforting. I wished he was laughing with me, together. I missed the old days, when he and I were having fun. Concentrate! You need to study!, i thought to myself; but who could concentrate with all the noise? and more importantly, who would ever think of studying when the love of your life is seated right in front of you. I just sighed and started reading. Social Studies was our first period, I was not going to fail. This day has been chaotic enough to interfere with my academics. Then before I knew it, "Class, keep everything away, let's start the quiz". "ok, you can do this". My inspiration was sitting before me, surely this was not going to be a hard quiz, right? Ma'am is nice, she's not strict. No big. Jack passed the paper to me, I hesitated for a moment, then took a big breath and grabbed it. That wasn't so bad Why am I acting like a psycho? Stupid dream, I said to myself. I scanned the paper first and went on to write my name. The first question was easy, I remembered reading it, or at least finding it. Then it all came down to the fifth question, i skipped that part; and now it's the only one blank. Think! I looked up, and saw the answer, Jackie DeShannon. He was always the answer to all my problems. Jack, I would always love you. I skimmed my paper once again; and thought quietly, Jack would never be replaced, he is the one my heart calls out to.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness"

Chapter 4 - Instance

The bell rang, end of second period. Time for the break. I kept my books and my friends came to my seat. Me, Valerie and Alex headed to the door. I made a quick glance at Jack; and then suddenly, he looked at my direction. I flushed and looked away. My heart raced, our eyes met, that was enough for now. We descended the stairs and I was surprised, my hands were shaking. A single look and it affected me so much. It happened in seconds; but for me, it went on for hours. My friends kept on teasing me while going the down the staircase (which seemed to take forever); and during those times, my heart was still beating faster than normal, hands shaking like crazy and mind trying to congest what happened. It's just a look, it happened in seconds, I kept repeating the mantra over and over again. But whatever it is that happened, I knew that what meant the world to me was nothing to him, that hurt the most. When we reached the cafeteria, my appetite had gone. I just waited for Alex and Valeria near the corner, thinking, What happened was nothing, forget about it., I didn't want to be hurt anymore. It was just a simple look, he didn't mean to glimpse at my direction. Fiddle sticks! one simple look and I'm hallucinating! What if he accidentally holds my hand? Would i get composed? Can I control myself. I have to accept reality, he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't feel the same way i feel. Valerie and Alex came to me with gleaming smiles, and I smiled back, I had friends who I could count on. Who cares about a guy anyway? We climbed up the stairs and as I stepped on the very last stride, I saw him again. Be calm, I said to myself. I can do this.

."Out of all the things in life that I could fear, the only thing that would hurt me is if you weren't real."

Chapter 5 - Humiliation!

We lined up after the bell rang, time for 3rd period. Jack was at the front of the line. As hard as I try, I couldn't help but look at him. I was at the back of the line, I bent over and gazed upon him. He looked so cute in his uniform and happy smile. Valerie thrusted me with her elbow, "Ouch! Heeeey!" I said with an angry expression. I didn't realize everyone was looking at me, the girls have come in except for me and the girls at my back. I flushed and quickly went inside, not looking at Jack (who, at my peripheral vision was laughing), my cheeks reddened even more. I sat on my seat and admired my book for a second, that was really humiliating!. Suddenly, I heard, "Ms.Wilson, would you care to join us for the prayer", I looked around me, and saw everyone standing, looking at me AGAIN! I forgot all about the prayer. "Oops! Sorry!" I laughed and rapidly rose from my seat. Ma'am had an annoying look on her face, What's her problem? I said sorry, didn't I? I was sorta pissed at that time already; but couldn't help but think of the humiliation i felt. This was the worst day ever! The dream, the nerve - wracking look and all these embarrassments. It all happened in one day. Why???!!! I was mad at myself, I was angry at this day and I was irritated with this guy. Must Jack always interfere? He keeps on hurting me; but I know that it's not his fault. It's mine. He doesn't care about me anymore, why am I trying to push myself? Why am I still hoping? The answers to these questions are simple but it's so painful to admit, I LOVE HIM. The problem is, how long can I wait? Will I too get tired of him? But my faith is strong, I believe that love can never ever fade.

."No pleassure, no expressions just an illusion of what should of but wasnt".

Chapter 6 - One word

I got home, tired. This was a very stressful day. We had tons of assignment to do, I had to get started. I got to the computer and started researching. You don't think I'm that serious right? Of course, I opened my facebook account. You can call it multi-tasking. I typed in "speeches" on the Google search bar and tons of links appeared. Ah. The beauty of the internet. I clicked on the very first link. While waiting, I logged in my fb account and checked my notifications. There were photo tags and comments. I updated my status with "crazy day!" and then checked who was online. There were strangers I just added, my friends and.. Jack He was online again. I went back to my assignment, here we again. Concentrate! I resisted the temptation to talk to him. I read the lines, actually scanned; but I couldn't help it. Jack Jack Jack, this was torture to my head and heart. I just copy and pasted the article to MS word without even bothering to actually read it. I went back to facebook; and saw that the chat box was open with his name. I finally gave-up and typed - in: what's the assignment in english again? :)". With high hopes, I waited for a reply. Surely he wasn't that of a snob to help people in need. Jack was a nice guy; sweet and charming. Stop it! Your making a fool of yourself!. I sighed and got back to Google. I slipped in my fb for a second. My heart sped, I could almost hear it beat. almost. He replied. It's like I hit the jackpot. "speeches" One word and it made a difference. Like I was floating on clouds, smelling fresh roses and feeling his warm touch. Just one word and it made me feel this way. But what made me hurt was I knew that to him it was nothing. To him it was like answering the question of an acquaintance, something that was no importance. I felt a strong sting in my heart. No matter how I try, there's always a downside to this roller coaster of love we had; or at least I had for him. I replied a short "ty" to him; and logged out. I keep on saying to myself to move - on, find someone better, someone worth my time and love. My heart won't listen to my mind, this was the hardest thing. I gave up and went back to homework. Time to study hard.

." Love starts with a smile, Grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.".

Chapter 7 - Bleeding Heart

Another day, a fresh morning, another time to get hurt. Early in the morning and I'm already feeling a sting on my heart. I wasn't in the mood for school at all. School. Jack. All these sent shivers. Why am I so emo now? Of course, I already know the answer. It was all about him. Why did he always have to hurt me. Why did he even hurt me. Why did he let me fall in his arms. He promised me we will be together forever. Where is forever? We haven't talked for a long time. I need him. Does he need me? I long for his warm touch, his welcoming smile and sweet voice. I want to hold his hand, laugh with him and show my affection. I choose to comfort him when he's down and celebrate when he's up. I just want to be with him, to love him. Is that too much to ask? All I want is for him to show a little care. We had a past. Did he just throw those away? The great memories we had. Aren't they important to him? I know they are to me. Those memories are my priced possessions. They are a part of who I am. I couldn't imagine myself without him. What my life would be if he didn't exist. Maybe I wouldn't be hurt right now. Maybe my heart wouldn't be torn into pieces. Maybe I wouldn't cry every night, every morning, every time I think of him. Maybe. Is it really the time to move on? I guess you think I'm obsessed or just another drama queen; but it's hard to get-over someone you consider part of you. It's hard to let go of something you hold dearly. Jack is a part of me, he has and forever will have a special place in my heart.

."Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before."

Chapter 8 - Absence

Another daily routine, I sighed as I entered the classroom. I searched for him, this isn't right. Jack wasn't present. I looked down and sat with a frown on my face. My friends noticed and started to cheer up. "It's alright, he'll be here tomorrow", they said in a comforting tone. It's great my friends are understanding. Other people may say that I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I mean first of all, we aren't together. This is all about me. Again with the sad questions in my head. No more. Maybe Jack's absence is a wake up call to me. My first step to moving on. He would be out of sight for now. A time for my heart to rest. He would be back tomorrow, maybe; but I could take a day-off from this madness. Together with my friends, I raced up the stairs with a smile. I then, bumped into someone. He was wearing a black and red jacket with shoes to match. It was Adam Parker, a sophomore. We went right at the same time, then he gave way and let me pass. My heart sped, he was so handsome. I passed by him and caught his sweet scent. My friends hit me, I was staring at him as he descended the stairs. I was mesmerized. Here i go again. They kid me around. Ok, so I sorta liked him. I always noticed him before, he was cute and attractive. Girls couldn't help but turn their heads around whenever he passed by. I was one of them. Finally, I can take my mind off Jack. A new start for me, a new guy to fall for. After all, this was just a crush. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like a sophomore for a boyfriend; but he was my new inspiration. It was better him than Jack. He didn't know me, we didn't have a past and it's just an infatuation. This was becoming the best day ever.